18 March, 2010

The Duchess Considers . . .

The "Oscar" Curse, and Then Some

All Hollywood is abuzz with news of the recent (or not-so-recent) marital trauma suffered by both Kate Winslet and Sam Mendes (above) and Sandra Bullock and Jesse James. Just the other day the Duchess commented on the appeal of Mr. James, someone who -- until today! -- appeared to be comfortable with the limelight accorded to his wife, and someone who -- until today! -- appeared to be able to allow his wife full-blown, international success while still retaining his masculine confidence. Not so, the gossipmongers say, as the tabloids pronounce him guilty-as-charged on suspicion of infidelity.
From this . . .

to this. Eww.

The Duchess will reserve judgment against Mr. James until Ms. Bullock herself speaks out (although the Dowager Duchess confirmed in a pre-highlights call to the Duchess that Mr. James issued an apology via MSNBC -- really? Really? No black anemones, no Van Cleef and Arpels? MSNBC? The Duke better be paying attention (yet again) -- MSNBC is no venue in which to prostrate yourself and declare your undying and singular love for the Duchess. Flowers, diamonds, endless apologies and perhaps a lesser known but no less lovely Gauguin might (MIGHT) do the trick if you slip up, buddy.)

The Oscar curse, as it is known, rears its ugly head about once per annum, or at least since women have been winning a handful of awards. Kathryn Bigelow made it out alive before her big success earlier this month. Thank God too. If the Duchess sees one more reference to "Na'vi blue" she is going to retch her Nick and Stef's out.

Of course, it isn't always for the worse. Halle Berry, in the parlance of Candace Bushnell, clearly traded up.

Halle Berry and Eric Benet

Halle Berry and the Sexiest Man Alive

Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe split up after she won her Best Actress Oscar. The Duchess thinks both of them fared better the second time around, although sadly Ms. Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal also called it quits (word on the street is that he's hot for the delectable Rachel McAdams (Ryan Gosling can't you work it out?????)), and Ryan Phillippe couldn't keep his Y chromosome in check long enough to hold on to the stunning, talented (and very sexy) Abbie Cornish. Y chromosome strikes again.

As the Four Tops sang, "It's the Same Old Song," and it really breaks the Duchess up to hear it. All these beautiful, talented women with their seemingly supportive husbands/partners hit the success jackpot and their relationships fall apart. Women have been wearing "Na'vi blue" for centuries and still keeping their vows, so why not the men? Besides the simple truth that Y follows X (it's a fact, dear readers, so please accept it!), there is a practical reason why society references the anonymous power structure as "The Man" -- but if you are reading the Duchess, you already know what that is.

Lots of love, dear readers. And keep those Y chromosomes in check!

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